One of the obstacles of living in an ADHD household is time management. I have a great habit of reading and looking for ways to better organize my time, and then don’t get around to actually trying these wonderful new ideas that I find. Procrastination and distraction are my way of life. I want to do better, I vow to do better, I just don’t do better.
The other night my daughter was upset with herself because there was something she had wanted to do before bed, but had managed to distract herself with one thing or another until it was time for bed and no time left for her to do what she had wanted to do. She was angry with herself for “wasting” time, and disappointed that she couldn’t do what she wanted. She got in bed and the next day I found something she had written. It isn’t a poem exactly, but it certainly states her feelings.
I feel like a fish in a tank of water, but I am confined by time limits
It is like I never have time to swim
I am in a world of thick walls that are limits
I don’t have much water to swim in
I am suffocating in time limits
I wish I was in an ocean with no walls, no limits
Her poem made me think about time and how we spend it, or waste it. It seems there really never is enough time. We are in a constant race to beat the clock, to fit in all we need to do and still have time for what we want to do. The problem is that once we finally struggle through what we have to do, there is precious little time left over for the things we want to do. Most days I feel like a hamster running in that infernal wheel. At the end of the day I can’t even account for where the time went. I have very little to show for an entire day. I sit back and think, “It took me all day to do that??!! I should have done that in an hour!”
Where exactly do I get off track? It always takes me longer to do something than I thought it would. I’m always running about five minutes late. At night, by the time the kitchen is cleaned after supper and showers are had, there is no time to relax and enjoy the evening. That is what my daughter is rebelling against. By the time all the necessary things are done, where did free time go?
Organizing my time will take discipline, and that is something that I am beginning to be afraid I do not possess. For all the desire to do better, to do things differently, to become one of those people who have things under control, I find that I am a procrastinator, and use up all my energy (what little I have) flitting from thing to thing. At the end of the day, there really is nothing to show for it. I still have a mountain of unfinished business.
I realize that one of the reasons I have no energy is because I do not take care of myself. Another thing I vow to change but never do. It seems I can’t even muster up the energy to do better. Sad, but true. This week I had five days off of work. I was looking forward to them, having planned all the things I was going to get accomplished with all that free time. I was going to organize the laundry room, clean out the kitchen cabinets, clean the closets, you get the idea. Here I am at the end of day three and what have I done? I’ve started the laundry. I took the sheets off one bed. I wrote some. I read some. I had dinner with my mom last night. And that sums it up. Three days and not a thing to show for it, except the laundry that is right now on the couch mocking me, waiting to be folded and put away. See how I do that? I was supposed to be folding laundry and here I am writing a blog. Yep, I abandoned a chore to write about how I don’t get things accomplished. I’d laugh at myself if I didn’t find it so sad right now.
Starting tomorrow I am promising myself that I am going to start using that timer I bought. I need to set some limits for how long it should take me to get through a chore, or whatever else I need to do, and then make myself work through that timer. Only when the timer goes off am I allowed to move on to something else. I would set that timer right now and fold those clothes, but really, it’s just too late. I’m exhausted from all the flitting I managed to do today.