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I am a woman on a journey. Where I'll end up is yet to be discovered.

This is What Disgusts Me

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Okay, I’m ranting right now, so if you want to read no further, I don’t blame you.
I’ve seen this picture before and it’s always irritated me, but tonight as I was scrolling through my Facebook feed someone I was “friends” with had it posted on their wall. I stopped, and I just stared at this oh so clever little picture and I became more angry than I have when I witnessed it before. Why? Maybe I shouldn’t be, but I just cannot help it. There is too much ignorance in this world now, and too much blame placed by people who have no idea what they are talking about. I read a blog the other day that was quite insightful, talking about how no one had the right to tell anyone else how to raise their children because there was no one “right” way of doing it, and I agree with that. (by the way, it was the Matt Walsh blog) I also think that until you have walked in the shoes of someone with a mental disorder or other illness, you have no right to tell anyone that all their child needs is some discipline. Really people?
ADHD is NOT I repeat NOT a discipline problem. My child has ADHD. She has never been in trouble a day in her life at school. She respects authority, doesn’t talk back, doesn’t cause problems,
is kind to the other children and speaks respectfully to her elders. She does her chores and respects her mother. Can she try my patience sometimes? Sure she can, as all children do. When you use a belt on your child does it magically make them never disobey you again? If it worked so great you wouldn’t have to use it more than once, now would you?
I guess what gets to me is the idea that if I beat my child then she would not have ADHD. Really? If I took out the belt I could magically transform her into someone that never lost her focus, never daydreamed, never forgot anything and always remembered her homework? Wow! Ooh, would she be on the straight “A” honor roll and never have cavities too? This belt thing just might be the magical answer to all the problems of the universe, huh?
Oh — and what about other illnesses? What about other brain disorders? Could using a belt on your children prevent them from having schizophrenia? Bipolar Disorder? Depression? What about Anorexia and Bulimia? If a belt “fixes” these mental disorders, what about physical ones? Can it cure cancer and heart disease? Just curious..I mean, you people who say the problem with my child is that I don’t whip her, you seem to have all the answers so I was wondering if you could enlighten me just a bit. I’m a complete moron obviously who knows nothing about how to take care of my child or manage her mental disorder. I mean, never once have I walked into the pediatrician’s office, or the counselor’s office, or the ADHD specialist’s office, or been to a teacher meeting where ANY of these fine, educated people said to me, “Now, Ms. Lazzari, can you tell me how many times a day you take out a belt and whip your child as part of her ADHD therapy? Do we need to up the beatings or do you think they are sufficient where they are now?” Sorry, no one ever asked me, so I suppose it’s up to all you other fine folks out there to tell me what I need to do.
Yes, I’m ranting. I warned you. I know some bad children. I know some children that I wished with all my being that someone would smack. Did they have ADHD? I don’t know. I DO know that as a parent of a child with ADHD, it has NOTHING and I mean NOTHING to do with how I discipline my child. I know I’ve said this before right here on this blog. I have standards, I have rules and I expect my daughter to obey them and do her share. Yes, some people need to step up and get a clue and discipline their children, but do NOT and I repeat DO NOT equate having ADHD with being a discipline problem. And do you know what else? There are children with ADHD who have huge problems with controlling their impulses. This is what makes the children “bad” they seem to do whatever they think in the moment regardless of consequences. Yes, these ADHD children can get into a lot of trouble. But do you know what? Let us not be so ignorant as to ASSUME that these children behave this way because their parents do not discipline them. Sure, that is true in some cases, but let me tell you, in most cases, those children are loved by parents who are at the end of their ropes. Parents who have tried everything they can think of — medication, counseling, behavior modification, lecturing, grounding, time outs and yes, even whipping, to get through to these children. These parents are tired, overwhelmed, stressed and concerned. These parents care very deeply about helping their child overcome their symptoms to become productive citizens, so how DARE people with no clue say “ALL” the child needs is a good sound whipping to put the kid in his place?
Shame on you. Shame on you for being that small minded. I’m okay with people who think a kid needs a sound spanking every now and again. I’m not going to jump on that debate. Whether or not you spank your children is your business. What I am saying is when a child has a heart condition or a liver problem we say, “What can we do to help you? I’m so sorry!” to the parents and when a child has a mental disorder we snicker to ourselves and say behind the parent’s backs, “If you ask me, she just ought to give them a good sound beating and that’ll knock some sense into them. That’s all it took in OUR day, you know.”
People, it’s time we stop this bullshit. It’s time you came into this century. It’s time you do some research before you start condemning others.
Let’s get rid of the stigma, people. This is ridiculous.

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Author: kristilazzari

I am a happily divorced mom and writer from rural Alabama. My daughter and I live off the beaten path with a spoiled rotten Flat Haired Retriever that believes herself to be a lap dog. Books are my passion, my day job keeps the lights on.

3 thoughts on “This is What Disgusts Me

  1. “when a child has a heart condition or a liver problem we say, “What can we do to help you? I’m so sorry!” to the parents and when a child has a mental disorder we snicker to ourselves and say behind the parent’s backs, “If you ask me, she just ought to give them a good sound beating”
    This was exactly how I’ve been feeling at the hands of some ‘helpful’, “I’m just saying…” advice that too many people have dished out in the last few weeks.
    So grateful that we’ve been diagnosed and have entered into the ADHD community where people actually understand. Love this post.

    • I hope you continue to find support in the ADHD community and wish you all the best. It is so wonderful to have a place to go and feel less alone knowing others truly “get” the day to day struggles as well as the gifts that being ADHD bring. Thanks for reading and commenting!

  2. Woooohooooo you tell ’em girl….with ya 100 percent ! If ONLY it were as EASY as a good butt-whoopin !!!!! Some people must have to practice to be so ignorant !

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