Here it is, almost to the end of Nov. 13th. I joined the ranks of those trying NaNoWriMo, a bit wary, a bit excited and a bit awed by the whole thing. Furiously did I start to write on the first, hoping to even come somewhere close to goal by the end of the month. I wanted the discipline, I wanted to show myself that I COULD learn to put my writing first, and in these past 13 days I have done just that. I have learned that I can in fact, make time to write. I have learned that even when the words don’t want to come, or they aren’t coming out the way I want them to, that I still need to sit myself down and write. Or stare at a blank screen or paper, whatever. What I am not allowed to do is to let an entire day go by without writing something. Anything. (and no, grocery lists don’t count)
I am focused on my project with a focus that may not be entirely healthy. With ADHD, hyperfocus can be a problem for me. (Nice blog on hyperfocus and the ADHD mind by The Adult ADHD Blog by the way) I can zone in on something that I want to do and single it out to the exclusion of anything else around, even things that are important. Luckily, I live with an eleven year old who will not let me forget to feed her, even if I forget to do any laundry or pay the electric bill. Still, in the past thirteen days I became obsessed with word count. I’ve been enjoying watching the number steadily climb, and when it reached the 30,000 mark I was ecstatic! In a few short days I have become a firm believer in NaNoWriMo and what it stands for. I have enjoyed the exuberance of the participants, the good will shared, and the encouragement offered by everyone has been refreshing to see. I thought today that even though I know I will continue to write with enthusiasm, I will be sad to see November and NaNo come to an end.
I know my project will need much work when November is over. For now, getting the words on the page is enough. As I struggled today wondering if I could in fact make it, if I could possibly make something out of this mess I’m writing, and if in fact my voice is still in me somewhere waiting to be discovered, I was reminded that as long as I believe in my work, and believe in my characters, then just write. Just throw the fear and the worry and the doubt to the side and just write.
So, at the end of day thirteen, I thank NaNoWriMo for pushing me to succeed. I thank you for showing me that I have it in me to find the time to write every day. I thank you for reminding me of what is important, and I even thank the part of me that can hyperfocus. I needed that part of myself to remind me that there ARE things in this life I am passionate about, I just need to find balance.