Who Am I? Why Do You Care?

I am a woman on a journey. Where I'll end up is yet to be discovered.


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Melancholy is defined as a gloomy state of mind and as sober thoughtfulness, pensiveness.  To me, sober thoughtfulness doesn’t sound so bad. At any rate, I can only describe how I’ve been feeling by saying I feel melancholy. It is true I’ve been thinking of much. Overthinking to be exact. I’ve gotten precious little work accomplished. It is as if the world outside my head is vague and unreal. I know it will pass, just as I know that during these times I am usually learning something rather important about myself, or working through something I need to work through. I will emerge a better version of myself, or at least I hope I will. I’ve tried to write a little, but I can’t get past the beginnings of the few stories I’ve tried to work on. Edits for Blessed Light are hopefully almost complete, as last week I went through taking care of what the proofreaders pointed out as well as changing bits here and there. I’ve put it away for right now, and when I pick it back up I will take care of the formatting mess I made. I’ve picked up several books, and only managed to finish one of them, Prisoner of Heaven by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. Probably not the best to read while in a melancholy mood, but Zafon never fails to pull me into his Barcelona and getting lost in his words is my favorite place to be. I’ve watched mindless movies and television shows, and am feeling the strong urge to curl up with a Twilight Zone marathon as we speak. My wanderlust is tugging at me, but thankfully I will have a vacation in about 48 days.

No real news on the writing front, I’m just whittling away at the last details of getting Blessed Light ready for its release. I can’t believe my baby is all grown up. Sigh.

Melancholy. The word sounds pretty ominous. If it means being sober and thoughtful, being too much inside my own head right now, fuzzy and vague, then yeah, I’m melancholy. I know that it is way too damned quiet around here right now. I’m not whining, really I’m not.  I’m just thinking out loud. Whether that is bad or good is all a matter of opinion I suppose. As far as blogs go, I only know how to do one thing. Be me. I don’t know how to be anyone else. Some days I will have something to say. Some days I won’t, but I’ll go on and babble anyway. Like today.

“I felt that I breathed an atmosphere of sorrow.” Edgar Allan Poe

“Melancholy is the pleasure of being sad.” Victor Hugo

“I began to understand that suffering and disappointments and melancholy are there not to vex us or cheapen us or deprive us of our dignity but to mature and transfigure us.” Herman Heese (Peter Camenzind)


Author: kristilazzari

I am a happily divorced mom and writer from rural Alabama. My daughter and I live off the beaten path with a spoiled rotten Flat Haired Retriever that believes herself to be a lap dog. Books are my passion, my day job keeps the lights on.

One thought on “Melancholy

  1. I loved this, but I must admit, while I stumbled upon this post looking for the definition of “melancholy” a least six months ago, I have just now read it for the first time. I loved it and your doubt at the end, questioning the content of this post and whether it was “blabble”, gives me hope in my own self-doubts

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