Who Am I? Why Do You Care?

I am a woman on a journey. Where I'll end up is yet to be discovered.

Getting There Is Half the Fun. Or So I Hear.

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I am just about halfway through my final edits now for Blessed Light, Cleansing Rain. The planned release is Tuesday October 14 and the launch party will be Saturday October 18. I’m getting excited. I’m surprised at how, once I got started, I have been able to keep up a fairly steady pace with the edits. I still have some changes to make, I still have to add a scene or two, work out a snag near the end and make sure I’ve dotted all my i’s and crossed all my t’s. Or at least have everything spelled correctly. 🙂 I think I am already sad to see this process come to a close. Even knowing that I’ll be starting on a new project shortly after this one is done, it’s still hard to say good-bye when the time comes. Not that the job ends once the book is published, we all know better. After publishing the real work begins. The hard stuff. The part I, like many other writers, aren’t so good at. Marketing is a dirty word in my vocabulary. I’m determined to figure it out one of these days, though.

For right this moment, the headaches and dizziness are better. I know, however, that it’s really only a short reprieve. I had a good idea of why my neck was hurting and stiff, but didn’t put it all together with the spinning room and nausea. It all makes sense now. Years and years ago (I was a teen, so we’re talking waaay back), I fell down one of those long flights of concrete stairs outside of a building and injured my neck. It didn’t give me many problems right away, but over the years I’d have severe neck pain and my neck would be stiff and sore and I couldn’t turn it as far as I should have been able to. I began going to a chiropractor and he worked with me until I could move my neck better and the pain was kept at bay. It still flared sometimes, but not too often. Anyway, I went for a few years and then I had to stop going. I haven’t been in seven years. The neck pain had come back, and it was hard to move my neck, but I knew what it was from. It just kept getting worse. It hurt to move my neck in either direction. The pain settled into the base of my skull and would shoot up into my head. It came and went fora while, and then settled in. When the dizziness and nausea hit, along with shooting pain down into my shoulder blade and into my arm, I was convinced that a doctor would think I was crazy if I told him everything that was going on. The pain never went away. I was going insane. If I laughed, pain shot into my head. If I sneezed, the pain in my head could almost make me see stars. If I coughed, I wanted to cry. (maybe I did) I tried to ignore it as much as I could, but it was wearing on me. I wasn’t getting anything accomplished because I never felt like doing anything.I don’t like complaining, and I don’t like being a whiner. I’ve got too much to do and I’m the only one around to do it.  I could not keep this up. So — lets just move forward here and say that I have what is called cervicogenic headaches, resulting from my neck injury long ago. All the symptoms I was feeling, including the dizziness, is a result of my neck. I guess I just never let it go so long before that it got this severe. So, I’ll be going back into therapy and hopefully with a little time, there will be some relief from all this. And that is all the whining and talking about my problems that I am going to do. I promise.

DD has started the new school year, and I can hardly believe that I’m the mother of a seventh grader. That just sounds so old. She is old. Not me. Oh, who am I kidding, I’m old too. She was looking forward to it, and I am so glad to see her heading into the year with more confidence than I have ever seen. She seems more at ease with herself, more relaxed and confident, better able to interact with her peers, and even more confident in her intelligence. I’m so proud of her. She will continue in band this year, and she’s all signed up and ready for soccer also. She hasn’t played soccer in two years, so I just hope she can keep up! 😉

That about sums up what’s been going on around here. Exciting life we lead, that’s for sure.

Oh, I do have one more severely random thought that I’ve been rolling around in my head. I can’t figure something out. Every now and then if someone is talking about marriage or relationships or whatever, someone will always say to me that they KNOW I had such a bad experience that I’d never want to get married again. Um, why? Why do people assume this? It shouldn’t irritate me, and I guess that’s not the right word, but why, just because I had a dud the first time and was unhappy, would that mean I’d never want to  marry? I’m opposed to my ex husband, not marriage. Marriage wasn’t the problem, he was. I just can’t understand this line of reasoning. If I attended a picnic and then fell and broke my leg, would I hate picnics? Would I blame the picnic for my leg? (yes, I do know that is a ridiculous example. I meant it to be.) Marriage is not evil to me, it isn’t a four letter word that I despise. I don’t hate men, I don’t hold them all accountable for the jerks out there. No, I haven’t dated, but its not because I am desperate to stay away from relationships, it’s just because up until very recently, my daughter was a full time job. I didn’t have energy for anyone else. Now I just don’t get out of the house. Ha! But, I believe whole heartedly in happily ever after. I believe in love. I believe in staying together forever. I believe it must be a truly wonderful thing to know you’ve found the person that you want beside you for the rest of your life. All I’m saying is, don’t assume that just because someone had a bad experience once that they would never want to try something again. Having a bad marriage doesn’t mean I don’t believe in it. Not that I’d find anyone that wanted to put up with me…

So, is that enough random information for one day? I thought so.

Blessed Light, Cleansing Rain — October 14!!!


Author: kristilazzari

I am a happily divorced mom and writer from rural Alabama. My daughter and I live off the beaten path with a spoiled rotten Flat Haired Retriever that believes herself to be a lap dog. Books are my passion, my day job keeps the lights on.

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