Who Am I? Why Do You Care?

I am a woman on a journey. Where I'll end up is yet to be discovered.

Things Can Change in an Instant

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Life can be certainly interesting. I’m used to the ups and downs and even the loops, and just do my best to hang on as tightly as possible and wait for the road to even out again. A couple days after starting school, DD got a terrible ear infection and missed two days. Wow. Three days into the school year and she missed two days. I hope this is not an indication of how the year is going to go! She’s having more family issues that are throwing her into a tailspin, which is never a good thing. She’s doing her best, but her coping ability is starting to crack. She is crying a lot, not sleeping well, and more than once in the past two weeks has talked about how much better it would be if she were dead. Her moods are swinging pretty wildly, something they have not done for a while. I hate being helpless in the situation. There’s precious little I can do about any of it. It is so hard to know your child is hurting and not be able to help. I can’t fix it, I can’t make it go away, I can’t even make it better. And I certainly can’t make other people listen and realize how much harm they are doing.  To top that off, she is now presenting with what appears to be absence seizures. Suffice it to say, I’ve been having a hard time keeping my stress levels under control.

When I made the conscious effort to not let the stress get the best of me, I concentrated on daily joys, and what was going right. I stopped letting myself dwell on the bad things. I made every effort to pass this way of thinking on to my daughter, and ensure that she chose happiness over wallowing in self pity. I point out to her all the ways that her life is good, and for the most part, she gets it. For the most part, so do I. Still, I’ve been worried about her. Especially with the seizures making an appearance. (Getting her set up with more doctors and tests, so will know more later on.) I don’t want drama to take over my life. I don’t like drama. So, I do my best to just keep moving forward, no matter what. The last couple weeks have been difficult. We’ll get through – we always do.

In the last couple of weeks since I’ve not been sleeping much anyway, I decided to make the effort to not let what was going on around me affect my writing. I have a time frame to get this book out, and I intend to stick to it. At night, when all is quiet, I’ve tackled the editing diligently. I’ve rewritten, reworded, added, subtracted and polished. I got it done. Now I was faced with tackling my formatting issues. That was a huge hurdle that I was not looking forward to. Finally, I told myself it wasn’t going to take care of itself, and I needed to figure it out. Last Saturday evening, I sat down with my manuscript and worked for seven solid hours. At the end of that time, I almost had it. I don’t know why, I was having a devil of a time with the headers and page numbers and things like that. The justification was off, and nothing was coming out the way it was supposed to. I had been using Office Libre, and it just wasn’t doing what I wanted it to do, so I had to get Microsoft Word. It had been years since I had used Word, and at first it was just confusing the heck out of me. I felt like a complete moron who was never EVER going to learn to navigate the program.  Maybe stress is making me stupid, I don’t know. Still, after seven hours of fiddling with everything and changing margins and other settings a million times, it was starting to look like it was supposed to. I at least finally had alternating headers and page numbers showing up in all the right places. It was a start! Two more hours the second day and I had something that was pretty darned close to being usable. I was on a roll!

I felt quite accomplished for tackling Word and my jumbled up manuscript and making sense of it all again. Part of me felt bad for the amount of time it took me to do so, but then I just smacked that part of me in the face and told myself that who cares how long it took? It was done! Knowing that I am still on track for my book release is an incredible feeling. It is the one thing that seems to be going right. I do still have to format the book for electronic release, but I feel more confident now that I can tackle that. I did my last book for Kindle, and it wasn’t so bad. It really didn’t take me long at all to get it formatted correctly, so I don’t know why I have been dreading it this time. Silly me. I’ll tackle that this weekend.

Wow. I am about to publish my second book. I am amazed at what I’ve been able to accomplish. I don’t know what I will work on next. I think after this one is done I may take a break though. I think I am going to take a reading break and immerse myself in the study of some fantastic literature for a few months. Maybe I will work on some short stories. All I know is that I will be working on something!

So, what should I read? Any suggestions?


Author: kristilazzari

I am a happily divorced mom and writer from rural Alabama. My daughter and I live off the beaten path with a spoiled rotten Flat Haired Retriever that believes herself to be a lap dog. Books are my passion, my day job keeps the lights on.

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