Who Am I? Why Do You Care?

I am a woman on a journey. Where I'll end up is yet to be discovered.


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Writing is the Most Amazing Difficult Thing you will Ever do

I was on a good roll with the editing of Finding Home. Life happens sometimes though, and the writing time that gets set aside each day finds itself being pushed aside. That being the case I’ve gotten very little work done this week. I sit here tonight staring at my WIP and thinking of how far I have to go. I read a bit and cringe thinking how awful it is. But you know what? It’s on paper. It’s out there. I can work with it. And it’s there because I started.

Starting is sometimes the hardest part of writing. It was especially that way when I first began to write seriously. I was so afraid to put pen to paper, thinking what if this idea turns out to be garbage? What if it isn’t good enough? What if it isn’t what I envision it to be? All those thoughts racing through my mind threatened to stop me in my tracks before I even began. But then I realized that yes, it was going to be garbage and that was okay. If you are going to learn to write, or if you are going to hone your craft and get better – you must write. It’s okay if those first works never see the light of day. If they help you to find your voice or teach you discipline or help you to get better – those awful first works serve their purpose.

I’ve  said before I do not believe in being an “aspiring” writer. If you are putting pen to paper (or keystroke on screen) then you ARE a writer. Published or not doesn’t matter. If you write you are a writer. Own it. Be proud of it. Just make sure that before you put your work out there that it is the best work you can do. Make sure it’s something you can be proud of. And if you ARE aspiring; if you have not begun because you are afraid that the idea in your head isn’t going to be good enough – you are only hurting yourself. We write because it is a passion. We write because words and worlds consume us and demand to be recorded. We write because to not write is agony. Writing is hard. Writing is hell. Writing never gets easier because with each new first draft you begin at the beginning.  As writers we are just twisted enough to enjoy the torture.

Do you know what? That first recorded idea ISN’T going to be good enough. But what are you gaining from never writing it? You can’t move past that first bad draft and become the writer you aspire to be if you don’t write. It’s as simple as that. To improve you must practice. You must write. Write the drivel. Don’t be afraid of it. Write it and move on to better things.

And that first draft? A first draft is always just that. A first draft. Its supposed to be awful. You aren’t human if it isn’t! But that first draft introduces you to your characters. It gets them out of your head and on the page. Learn from them. Let them tell you all their secrets. Get them all down. Then you get to decide how to deal with them. Second drafts. Third drafts. Fourth drafts. Each one gets you closer to the ideal world you created in your head. Don’t be afraid of writing garbage. Don’t be afraid of the first thing you ever write being crap.

Sometimes we all need reminding that we really don’t choose the writing life. It chose us long ago. Sure, we can ignore it. We choose to sit down and empty the words onto the page, but I think we do so more because it is a compulsion than a choice. Those years I spent not writing seemed hollow. I was ignoring the very real call of what I was meant to do. I was born to be a writer, but I will never get to be the kind of writer I wish to be unless I do one simple thing. Write. With each story, with each new draft I hope I get just a bit better. I hope I learn something new about myself every time I sit down at the computer or sit down on the back porch with a cup of tea and a pen and paper.

I’m not where I want to be. Not by a long shot. I have much to learn. But I won’t learn it unless I dive in and do it.

So today I’m telling you to write. Just write. Don’t worry about how it’s going to turn out. Don’t worry about it not being what you envision. Just get started. Write.

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Writing…Writing…Trying to Write…

I think all that off time this summer has addled my brain. Okay, maybe it was already addled. I went for a long time with no viable ideas, now it seems I have several all floating around, vying for attention. Each one saying “Write ME first!!”  In the past I worried what would happen if, after I finished a project, I never got one single new idea.  I worried that I had spent so many years ignoring the writer in me, that now I wanted to write, I would be punished for my non-productive years. Now, here I am, knowing I should be working on the short stories, and not one, but three other plots keep banging around in my head, refusing to keep quiet so I can work.

I know I cannot work on four books at once. It would be insane. And they would all be awful. I know I need to prioritize in some way, push the others to the back and work on one of them. I just can’t seem to clear my head. I sit down to write and it’s like a chorus of noise in my head that won’t shut up. It just gets louder until I slam my laptop shut and walk away.

Why can’t I concentrate on one idea? I’d just like to have one nice, productive writing session! I guess I should be happy to have all these ideas jostling around. It means they haven’t turned to dust. I struggle with focus a lot because of my ADHD, but this is getting ridiculous. Writing is that one place I can usually count on that hyperfocus to kick in and let me work. Hmmm..maybe it points to something being wrong with the current short story I’m working on. Maybe it’s not right…maybe it lacks the spark it needs. I guess I will re-evaluate my current story and sit down and take some notes on the other plots to file away for later.

I won’t allow myself to switch gears and change projects. If I start doing that I know I will never again finish another project. I learned how great it felt to see a writing project through to the end and I’m not about to go back to the world of boxes full of half finished manuscripts. No way!

So…I keep trying. And then I watch some Netflix. Then I read. Then I try again.